Internal Family Systems (IFS) is most often used as an evidence-based psychotherapeutic modality.

Up until 2024, the IFS Institute trained coaches and bodyworkers alongside psychotherapists and expected coaches and psychotherapists to use the same skill sets. This is how I was trained.

The IFS approach acknowledges our inherent "multiplicity of mind," meaning that each one of us has many "Parts." Other modalities often call these subpersonalities or ego states.

These Parts of us interact with one another and with our "Self," the core essential spirit found within each one of us. The experience of Parts and Self is universal in people.

IFS provides a simple (yet elegant) framework for connecting with, understanding, supporting, and healing these distinct Parts of us. This framework transforms our inner experience from a series of chaotic inner battles into a cohesive, collaborative inner family.

If you're curious and would like a deeper understanding, watch my video on IFS here:

***YOUTUBE VIDEO LINK***

You diligently stick to your diet all day.

You meal prep.

You plan.

You review your vision board.

And then your willpower slips and you eat a dozen cookies in five minutes.

From a unified mind perspective, this behavior is insane. It's out of control and the solution is stricter self-control, stronger willpower, harsher consequences, and better information.

I lived with this perspective while suffering for twelve years and developing eating disorders, constantly asking "What the heck is wrong with me???" It's a brutal and bleak way to live.

IFS points out that we are all made up of distinct Parts, all of whom have their own priorities and strategies. From this perspective, struggles with food usually stem from "polarized Parts" with conflicting strategies.

One achieves their goals through control, another soothes emotional upset with food. The battle rages indefinitely.

The solution is to help those Parts get along while healing the hurt ones they're trying to protect. Willpower and discipline won't be necessary once the pain is healed and this internal conflict is resolved.

As we build a foundation of Devotional Self-Care, get to know our Parts, connect them to our core essential Self, and heal the pain at the root of our struggles, making healthy choices begins to feel easy and intuitive.

The inner war ends and we get to live a life of peace and purpose.

It depends.

I do not diagnose ore treat any mental "illness," and that includes Eating Disorders. Psychotherapists and psychiatrists do that (I'm neither).

If you notice disordered eating patterns in yourself or have received an official eating disorder diagnosis in the past, it's highly recommended that you work with a qualified mental health professional during your healing journey.

If you're in active treatment for an eating disorder, talk to your mental health support team and doctor about whether or not this membership is a good fit right now.

Nourished Sanctuary Membership can be a wonderful adjunct treatment to psychotherapy, but it is not a replacement for appropriate healthcare.

Sometimes the best and most important self-care is choosing the best support.

Targeted Coaching is laser-focused on very specific, measurable life goals, like increasing cardiovascular fitness, losing ten pounds, improving work performance, or breaking a bad habit. In Targeted Coaching, the coach helps the client make a plan and teaches specific strategies to execute that plan. Targeted Coaching is very niche-specific; if you want to improve work performance, you'd hire a business coach, not a fitness coach.

Transformational Coaching is different. It guides you back home to your deepest, most essential Self, the core of who you are. Transformational coaching works with the Parts of you who resist or fear this homecoming, the Parts who have been wounded, alienated, judged, abandoned, and shamed. Transformational Coaching paradoxically transforms who you are by guiding you home to who you've always been.

In Nourished Sanctuary, we practice a mixture of Targeted and Transformative tools. Initially, our membership journey is skewed toward behavior-change and values-informed, desire-led Targeted tools. As we progress through our 6-month arc, the Transformational journey home accelerates.

Private 1:1 IFS Coaching with Lily is generally Transformation-focused, unless you have a predetermined, specific target to focus on.

A great and important question!

Psychotherapy focuses on supporting people who are mentally or emotionally struggling to function, often due to trauma. Therapy tends to be more past-oriented. Usually, when receiving psychotherapy, the client is given a diagnosis. Treatment is generally more open-ended, working with what you and your psychotherapist feel is relevant to your treatment and stabilization. Psychotherapy's primary "goal" is to help you achieve a level of mental health that allows you to function day-to-day.

Coaching supports people who are generally functioning day-to-day and are ready to take their wellbeing to a higher level. Very importantly, coaching has an agenda, a purpose, a North Star; it focuses on the desires and goals that you choose for your life.

In Nourished Sanctuary, our shared goal is transcending Diet Culture and transforming our relationships with food and our bodies. You get to add your personal goals and desires on top of those!

Additionally, a lot of psychotherapy modalities are dominated by cognitive methods, often called "top down" treatment, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A lot of coaching methods are mind-focused, top-down methods, too.

The Nourished Sanctuary curriculum and my coaching approach strives to balance cognitive (top-down) tools with somatic (body-based or "bottom up") approaches.

With body-based methods, the mind's understanding (the story) of our issues is explored using the body's profound healing wisdom. In our work, we follow the lead of the body and notice how the mind's stories intertwine. Then we use top-down AND bottom-up strategies to unwind and integrate all those layers.

This approach takes a little getting used to, but once you get it, you'll feel healing magic ripple through your body and your life.

Because I'm not a psychotherapist, the scope of experiences I can support is (rightfully) limited. As such, coaching is suitable for goal-oriented inner explorations that cause mild-to-moderate unease.

Coaching is not suitable for inner explorations that may cause severe overwhelm. Coaching is not meant to stabilize or teat the repercussions of severe trauma.

In fact, the agenda-driven focus of coaching can make severe symptoms of trauma worse. If ever our work crosses the threshold into severe dysregulation, we'll need to press pause on coaching so that you can seek appropriate support with a mental health practitioner who has the resources to help.

We'll look out for symptoms of severe nervous system dysregulation like:

Chronic severe anxiety and worry.

Panic attacks.

Uncontrollable fast or pounding heartbeat, sweating, or rapid breathing that can’t be calmed.

Recurring severe depression.

Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or serious suicidal ideation.

Feeling completely numb to or dissociated from your body.

Big mood swings that make day-to-day life and relationships very difficult.

Inability to self-soothe or regulate during emotional stress.

If severe dysregulation arises, it doesn't mean you're hopelessly broken, it just means you'll need some more support for a while. And that's okay.

Absolutely not!

If you're currently engaging with psychotherapy, a Nourished Sanctuary Membership or 1:1 Coaching can be an adjunct (an additional support) to your therapy; NOT a replacement. Talk to your therapist about the work you'd like to do here and discuss the hoped-for benefits and potential risks.

For some of us, eating and controlling or criticizing the body are ways we manage our day-to-day struggles, emotional upsets, and triggers from past trauma.

When we start to engage with or change these coping strategies, sometimes big, unexpected feelings emerge.

While all of our work together is sensitive to and supportive of these big feelings, sometimes you'll encounter feelings that need and deserve more support from a qualified and compassionate mental health professional.

The litmus test I use is the nervous system.

We'll look out for symptoms of severe nervous system dysregulation like:

Chronic severe anxiety and worry.

Panic attacks.

Uncontrollable fast or pounding heartbeat, sweating, or rapid breathing that can’t be calmed.

Recurring severe depression.

Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or serious suicidal ideation.

Feeling completely numb to or dissociated from your body.

Big mood swings that make day-to-day life and relationships very difficult.

Inability to self-soothe or regulate during emotional stress.

If these arise, put Membership work and 1:1 Coaching plans on pause to focus on receiving stabilizing support from a competent, compassionate, trauma-informed psychotherapist. Once you feel more resourced, you can pick up our work again.

When you're ready, you don't have to choose one or the other; coaching and psychotherapy often compliment one another beautifully.