Hi, I'm Lily

A winding path.

My journey has felt long and winding, with lots of confusion, turmoil, and many (many, many) mistakes. Childhood challenges and interpersonal trauma led me to adopt a lot of harmful coping strategies early in life, like chronic dieting, anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and a smattering of substance abuse.

Yet throughout this turbulence, in my heart was an inner knowing that there had to be a better way. There had to be a way to heal these wounds, alleviate the pain, and experience peace – inside and out.

Food.

I started with food, my arch nemesis. At 18, I attended culinary school in Aotearoa (New Zealand) and became enchanted with the alchemical magic of food – the layers of flavors, the interplay of protein, sugar, fat, acid, salt, and heat. But the hard-partying lifestyle of my mentors and friends eroded my (already shaky) health very quickly.

So I took my love and knowledge of cooking and got closer to the ingredients. Working as a produce manager at an organic food store in Wellington, New Zealand introduced me to the health-renewing miracle of well-grown plants. During this time I was introduced to veganism and raw food diets, which I experimented with for several years.

Adventure.

But still there was this sense that I needed more, so I followed my wanderlust, studying yoga, pranayama, and meditation at Mount Madonna Center in the Santa Cruz mountains; learning to sail among the islands of Maine; receiving Reiki attunements in North Carolina (and later New Zealand and New York, too); working as a waitress, trainee volunteer bike mechanic, and landscaper on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington; cheffing at a retreat center in upstate New York; and training in the art and science of therapeutic bodywork on the Nicoya peninsula of Costa Rica.

Though progress was steady, throughout all of these cycles of growth, connection, learning, and magic, I took deep, dark dives into the depths of despair and every relationship suffered, most of all the one I had with myself.  I felt entirely alienated from everyone I knew – unable to sustain the standard western lifestyle of rich food, alcohol, and constant hustle, yet feeling completely unworthy of connecting with “healthy” people from the “healthy” communities I so desperately wished to belong to. I spiraled up and down, sometimes on a daily basis. 

I learned to manage some of my coping strategies with sheer willpower (like binge drinking and smoking), while others got totally out of control (like food restriction and bulimia).

Roots.

Eventually, I arrived on Moku o’ Keawe, the Big Island of Hawai’i, and was fortunate to find a home to sink my roots. For the first time in my adult life, I lived in the same place for more than 6-months, and I finally realized there was something very unhealthy about the way I created and maintained relationships; very similar relational catastrophes kept unfolding no matter where I went. And, no matter where I lived, I struggled mightily with restricting and binging.

Reach.

To support this focus, I started voraciously learning about nutrition (and whole-food, plant-based diets) and psychology. I was determined to figure myself out. Figure out my body, figure out my metabolism, figure out my hormones, figure out my mind, figure out my emotions, and figure out relationships, so that I’d know how to control it all.

During these years I met the love of my life, renovated a home together, adopted our fur kids, got married, started my YouTube channel, planted a bunch of fruit trees, and never stopped learning. My thirst for knowledge was insatiable, studying plant-based nutrition on my own and through The Wellness Forum, becoming a Lifestyle Intervention Specialist. When I felt confident in my understanding of basic nutrition, my attention expanded from body to mind, letting my own patterns guide me into learning about codependency, nervous system physiology, Polyvagal Theory, Gabor Mate’s Compassionate Inquiry, Interpersonal Neurobiology, and Attachment Theory.

Rise.

Though I felt better and more stable than at any other time, something felt unsustainable. Like I was always on the verge of losing the white-knuckled control I had. One moment of being triggered and all the parts of myself I tried to suppress would come out with a vengeance. Cravings for substances, the urge to binge, and – most shameful to me – a vicious, biting anger that lashed out and hurt the people I loved and valued. I knew I needed more tools to be able to help myself, as well as to work with my viewers on YouTube, who were regularly asking me to offer 1:1 coaching.

In 2019, a series of events (protecting Hawai’i’s sacred Mauna Kea, my husband sustaining a serious head injury, and the start of the global pandemic) pushed my coping limits. Acting from deep inner wisdom, I stepped away from my cherished YouTube and Instagram community to focus my energy inward, into sustaining myself and my family.

During this time, I made an intuition-guided decision to attend a year-long, trauma-informed, Tantra-based coaching certification (the Vital and Integrated Tantric Approach (VITA) Coaching Methodology by Layla Martin, which proved to be one of the best choices I’ve ever made, personally or professionally.

Bloom.

Coaching opened the door for me to study Internal Family Systems (IFS), a comprehensive therapeutic modality that has changed my life more than any other. At the end of 2022, I officially became an IFS Practitioner after completing my Level 1 training. In 2023 I was lucky enough to complete their Level 2 training, specialized in Addictions and Eating Disorders. What was intended to be a purely professional training turned into a year+ of unimaginable integration and healing, no small feat in the midst of my mom’s death and several other close family losses. My own commitment to Devotional Self-Care and Courageous Inner Exploration allowed a level of profound inner work that led me home to my Self and allowed me to feel – for the first time in my life – at peace and humbly confident in my ability to choose how I behave in relationships – with myself and others.

Throughout my studies and break from social media, I’ve been diligently working to weave these layers of precious knowledge together into a truly comprehensive membership program (with optional 1:1 coaching) that’s designed to facilitate deep, permanent healing in our relationships to our food, our bodies, and our Selves.

I am so excited to share these gifts and get to know you better.

A Note on Living in Hawai'i.

I’m fortunate to call Moku ‘o Keawe (the Big Island, a.k.a Hawai’i Island) my home, with humble acknowledgment that the Hawaiian Kingdom was illegally overthrown in 1893, and so Hawai'i has never legally been a part of the United States, as acknowledged by the United Nations. Therefore, the Hawaiian Kingdom exists in perpetuity, illegally governed, colonized, and occupied by the United States of America and its military (more information here). 

I support the Sovereignty efforts of the Hawaiian Kingdom and the Kanaka Maoli (Native Hawaiian) people. I endeavor to live here in a way that is respectful of and assimilated to the indigenous culture, in honor of their knowledge of 'aina (land) and wai (water). Above all, I affirm the right of generational families to continue calling Hawai’i home by supporting land and ocean access rights, protection of affordable housing from outside entities, and wages that are livable.

Many powerful forces work tirelessly to erode Kanaka Maoli connection to their homelands. These capitalistic, exploitative forces are fueled by malignant, unquenchable greed, and continue largely unopposed (and often supported) by settlers because of our chronic and willful ignorance to historic and current corruption. I see, hear, and feel the righteous and justified anger of my Kanaka family and friends. I see the dignity and tenacity of their resistance. I stand beside you defending this 'aina and wai from those who intend harm and will continue to educate those who haven't yet opened their eyes and hearts to what happened and what is still happening to Hawai'i and her people.